just woke up after a long drunken night with Zach (visiting from LA), Chris (visiting from San Taco), and Greg. Kilowatt -> Amber -> DNA Lounge -> Sparkys. haven't been out with the boys in a long time, sure have missed it. tried to talk Zach into moving to NYC so we can room together again and rage east coast style.

[resisting the urge to paste melancholy lyrics like a teenager]

another day of sitting on the sofa, hacking and listening to music. left a giant ass print in the cushion. enjoyed a belated Thanksgiving dinner at Opera Plaza Max's and saw My Life Without Me.

how effortlessly movie people fall in love with each other. Sarah Polley decides that she's going to find a new man to shag and like one cut later she's making out with some guy in his SUV. if only we could pop directly from one interesting moment to another, ignoring the hum-drum periods in between. my life, reduced to feature length- not bad. Elly's of course would have to be a two-week miniseries.

going it solo on Thanksgiving was the right choice. I always operate better on my own schedule, without the pressure and expectations of friends and family. made a big breakfast and chilled at home for the morning, then caught a couple flicks at the Metreon - School of Rock and Love Actually. who'd have thought Jack Black could be funny for two hours without saying fuck once?

[warning cynical friends: potential sappiness ahead] the rom com got me thinking about the incidence of love in my life. for the first time in a while, I lack a crush to get me all moony. sure, I'm in heat, but I don't have the butterflies in my gut at the moment. which is one of the many reasons I'm cutting out to NY- if anything was going to happen for me here, it would have by now.

it occurred to me recently that i have zero life goals. the one big failure I can point to is dropping out of college, which I hope to fix by going back in 2005. otherwise, I can't think of anything I'm burning to do. seems like after a certain point biology dictates that the aim of existence is to settle down with a mate, reproduce, and maintain a career in order to provide for the family. other considerations become more trouble than they're worth. all of which explains why my mind has been on women so much the last year or so. if I wait much longer, I'll be too old, blind and stiff to play catch with my kid when he's of age to join the school sports team!

it's the night before Thanksgiving. I just got home from watching Elephant at the Embarcadero. downtown was dead calm, and my boxers kept slipping off my ass. I am down 5 pants sizes in 5 months.

everybody's spending tomorrow with their family or friends. I was supposed to hang out with some pals in Marin, but I think I'd rather be by myself. I'll go downtown for a movie or two, maybe walk through the Presidio to say goodbye to the Golden Gate Bridge. finding food will be an adventure, as I'm too lazy to go for last minute groceries.

one month before I move. exuberance is slowly being replaced by apprehension. my stuff is shipping out the day after Xmas. hope I find a new place before then.