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December 20, 2003
losing my religion
lazy Saturday afternoon! most moving tasks are complete, so I've nothing to occupy my time besides a half-dozen tivoed movies. I keep looking through my email and in my calendar for things to accomplish, but nothing ever appears. i always feel nervous whenever I've nothing to do, like I'm forgetting something very important. then, when I'm the most busy, I think of a dozen things I'd do if only I had the time. course I can't remember any of them now.
yesterday was my last day in the Covalent office. the company has placed all staff on mandatory vacation until 1/2, at which point I'll be in New York. bailed early as usual, without any sort of farewell. a few folks caught me sneaking out and managed to holler goodbyes before the door closed behind me. I loathe farewells from coworkers, because they obligate me to smile and be polite to people with whom I have only one thing in common - the source of our paychecks. similarly for most friends. it's not that I dislike these people, just that I am frustrated by the requirement of sociality. I only want to be effusive on my own terms, when I choose the circumstances of battle and the defensible ground. it is for this same reason that when I have a party at my house, I tend to plant myself in one room and never leave. I figure the people that I care about will pass through the room at some point in the evening, and if they don't come looking for me, they weren't worth seeing anyway. just call me Mr. Comfort Zone, I guess.
Posted by bcm at December 20, 2003 02:45 PM